Saturday, November 17, 2007

This is Me: Dancing

Laughter exploding from interior walls
Spinning, twirling
Steps that move and sway
I am my own dance
Moving to my inner rhythm

A dance that cannot be taught
Or learned
Its rhythm is always changing
Growing

My dance transforms itself
Telling a story
Times of love and laughter
Depression and despair
There is no emotion left untouched
By the dance of my soul

Dancing in the rain,
Arms outstretched towards the heavens
This is me
Dancing through the rough times
Swaying through the good times

Its rhythm will carry on
Into eternity
Where my soul will forever be
Dancing

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Train Tracks, Sunsets and Rearview Mirrors




There is something extremely special, and perhaps precious about the unexpected gifts life gives us. They can be simply moments, they’re there and then they’re gone forever, forgotten in the rearview mirror, as we keep moving, changing. But then there are the gifts that stick, the ones we take with us wherever our dreams lead us. Found in all shapes and colours, I found my gift amongst the tall grass on the first day of my arrival at school. Whenever I travel to a new place, I need to find a place to call my own. Somewhere I can go and think, or just admire the beauty in God’s profound creation. On that first day, when I first heard the whistle blow, I knew I had found my place. The train tracks, situated behind the school, over look the vast fields that continue as far as the eye can see. On a clear day, the mountains can be seen in the distance, their peaks jutting up into the bright blue. If you’re lucky, and time it just right, the sunset from these tracks can steal your breath. Friendships have been formed on these very tracks, and memories made that have deeply touched my life and the ones close to me. Laughs, cries, moments of deep conversation or cherished moments spent in utter silence… each a stone on the side of the track, making up the base our train of life so quickly passes by on. As life continues to fly by, so do the times spent at this precious place, where time seems to stand still, if only for a moment, as you lye next to the track and feel the ground shake as the train flies by you taking the minutes of your life along with it. Forever captured inside my heart, these memories will be ones I carry with me, as I watch the train go by in the rearview mirror.


Sunday, November 11, 2007



It never ceases to amaze me how fast time seems to go by, but then when reflecting back it is as if a lifetime has passed. Looking back over the past month, I feel exactly this way. Yet again, so much has happened, and I don’t know where to begin.

My last letter ended with my experience at House of Grace. After returning back to the whole Discover group, we broke into our ‘teams’ (there are two different Discover teams this year, Team Rhombi, and Los Ochos, which is the team I am a part of). My team was sent to the town of Hollister to work with a small church within the community. We spent the first night there painting the inside of the building, then having a large dinner with the members of the church. The next days were spent doing ministry activities the church had planned for us, one of them going down to a river on the outskirts of the town where many illegal immigrant workers had made their homes in the bushes at the edge of the river. One woman brought us down to see her home, which resembled to me something that my sisters and I would have created in the forest as kids as a fort to play in. A tarp was hung in the trees to offer slight shelter, steps down to the river had been shaped into the dirt, and shopping carts filled with whatever small possessions she owned were concealed in the trees. There were beer bottles, and other pieces of garbage scattered around the clearing and waters edge. I remember looking around, amazed that someone actually lived like this just outside a seemingly nice, Californian city, right in North America. Although my life may have been slightly sheltered, I have spent time in larger cities, such as Toronto and Vancouver doing urban ministry before, and have witnessed many instances of homelessness. However this experience still blew me away. It was one thing to see a man begging for money on the side of a crowded street corner, or sleeping in a park, but it was a completely different blow witnessing this situation. After eating lunch with these workers, we began traveling to Camp MayMac to spend our final week in California in classes. The camp is located just outside Santa Cruz, and we ended up spending our day off at the beach, which was a really nice surprise.

After our final week in California, we were back in the airport heading for Montana. During our last ten days at Camp Big Horn, we were busy with classes, assignments, and reuniting with friends in the Explore program, while drinking as much hot chocolate as we could before heading back to Prairie. One night my friend Julie and I got one of the Camp instructors that we were also close to, Nikki, to take us out kayaking and teach us how to do a roll, which is basically learning to flip your boat back over once you have already flipped underwater. It was dark by the time we got out, and the water was freezing cold… I have never had such a bad brain freeze as I experienced that night, but it was such a learning experience for me too. Trusting and living with blind faith have been something that I have been learning over and over so far this year. Just like when I flip over into the piercingly painful cold water, and must trust that what I was taught has the ability to flip me back out, and if I can’t seem to manage it, Nikki would be there to help me flip back over, my trust in God is similar. When He asks of me to go out and follow His will, I must trust that he as equipped me with the tools I need to do whatever it is He is asking to my best ability, and when I stumble, He’ll be there to tend to the broken bones and bruises that may result. Over and over, God has been asking me to walk with blind faith, and step into things without knowing or understanding what the end result may be. At first this was extremely terrifying, and still is very much so, but I have grown in faith through it, as well as my confidence in His plan for my life has grown. I would encourage all of you to seek out where it is your heart is being lead, and then question why you may be ignoring or pushing away those callings. For me, I was afraid of being vulnerable, with the possibility of being hurt somehow… what is it that may frighten you which is holding you back?

The Adventure Begins... (Written September 26th)




Well, it has certainly been a non-stop rollercoaster ride since the day my family dropped me off at Prairie. During our first two weeks, we studied Worldviews in a modular class called Summit. We got to know everyone in both Discover and Explore groups fairly well, while staying up late at night trying to get all our assignments and papers done for these classes. After our first exam was completed, and final paper handed in, we hopped on the bus that would take us on a ten-hour trip across the boarder before finally making our second home at Camp Bighorn. Located in Plains Montana, Camp Bighorn is a Christian Adventure Camp in a forested valley between large mountains, and right on the Clarkforth River. Our days there were filled with intense lectures and classes, races to the look out point up the mountain, mud fights, and cliff jumping. During the night, many students could be found doing homework in the main lodge, with a mug of Camp Bighorn’s famous Hot Chocolate.



Before long, it was time for Discover to head out on our 5 day rafting trip on the Salmon and Snake Rivers, which travel through Idaho, Oregon, and Washington. Without knowing what we were getting ourselves into, our group hit the river. Each night we had to set up our camp, which consisted of a tarp we placed all our sleeping bags onto, a cooking area, and a ‘bathroom’. We closed our eyes each night to the beautiful view of stars in the sky, bundled up with every piece of clothing we owned! Each day was a new adventure, with new challenges to overcome. During our second day, we were going down our first class 3 rapid, when the raft hit the side of a rock, knocking Russell (one of the guys in the program) and myself into the middle of the rapid. Trapped underneath the boat, I was not sure which way to swim, until I finally made my way to the surface, where the water through us around until we met calm waters. Someone from our raft reached down to pull us back in, and I began to laugh hysterically. It was quite the adrenaline rush, and I could not wait for it to happen again! By our final day, we had successfully completed many class 3 and 4 rapids, and had all had our share of sunshine. From our take out place in Washington, we drove back to Camp Bighorn to stay for a few days until we flew to San Jose, California. Our first few days in California consisted of classes, eating with the men at the City Team Recovery Center, and traveling to San Francisco to help out at a Food Shelter. The men at the shelter looked at us girls as if they had never seen a member of the female species when we first walked through the doors to join them for dinner, but soon warmed up to us, and told us a lot of their past stories. When we traveled to San Francisco, I worked mainly in the kitchen preparing dinner for everyone, while people were able to go through and take food donation packages back to their homes. I was disappointed at first when I heard that it would be my responsibility, along with another in the program, to work in the kitchen because I wanted to be out, building relationships with the people. It was not long after we had started the quiche, soup and pasta that I remembered the story of Mary and Martha and how each were able to serve Jesus in different ways, although each was of importance. After the dinner was complete, we all sat around a large table like a family to eat, sing and eventually dance together.


Currently, I am staying with a Mexican family in San Jose to learn about their culture, while spending my days at a place called House of Grace. It is a recovery center for women who have children, and have struggled with addictions with drugs and alcohol. Many, although not all, of the women have spent many years in prison, and are trying to rebuild their lives in a Christian environment, in an attempt to get jobs, and perhaps regain the ability to see and spend time with their children that have been taken away from them. The home is a confidential place that they are able to stay in without fear of past abusers or violent boyfriends/ husbands finding them, and also have the opportunity to rebuild their lives. The girls stay in an apartment complex, attend classes daily, and have access to childcare for the ones who have their children living with them. Many of the girls have found a rock to rebuild their lives on in Jesus, and it is amazing to see the daily development in the women (ranging from 20-50 years of age). Each have their own separate pasts, addictions, abuses, offenses, but they all are able to find a renewed hope for their future and a motivation to improve their own lives and the lives of their kids. I have loved getting to know each girl, and their own personal stories. In each of them I see a brave, caring soul that has struggled for so long to find someone that truly cares and loves them. For many of them, Jesus has become this someone, and He has ignited a passion in them like no other. As my final days with these girls in coming, I would ask that you would lift them up in your prayers. Pray for the young mothers that are struggling to get by. Pray for all the women who are being beaten and abused by their husbands, boyfriends, and even fathers. Pray for the women who rely on the bottle as her main source of freedom from the daily struggles she goes through. Pray for all the women in jail, who have yet to see someone that could truly love them- who have yet to see Jesus for who He is. For in each of them, I have seen a heart and a soul that is crying out for His ultimate love, a love they have never known.